Caden Read online

  “She almost died giving your son life,” Kalkin roared. “She was so focused on saving Nicolas’s life, she forgot about her own. The bullet did more damage to her than any of us knew. She kept that shit a secret and when she went into labor, she didn’t have any strength! She flat-lined! Now, my mate, who’s about to drop my pups any day, is scared to fucking death and won’t leave her sister’s bedside.”

  Caden absorbed each stinging blow of Kalkin’s words. Danielle almost died. Danielle not only saved Kalkin’s life, but the baby’s in sacrifice of her own. Why the fuck would she do that? Why would she put herself into a no-win situation? No one would do anything stupid like Danielle had to save a baby. He should know. Caden sat back in his chair, the fight leached from him, leaving him numb and utterly alone.

  “Why?”

  Kalkin gave a humorless chuckle. “Why? He asks why? She’s your mate, idiot. Here, let me impart some words of wisdom on you. The boy hooked up to all those machines, smells like Raferty too. I should know. I was the first one to hold him and welcome him into the pack. She is your mate. She never belonged to Simon. Danielle lived in fear because of that piece of shit. Of what he’d do to her if he ever took her back to that place where he and Hazel kept Jace. She worried after Hazel and Simon died, the man would return because, ‘Simon is never really gone.’ She and Keeley have gone through a shit ton of stuff. She needed you, and you turned your back on her. Now, they both need you. Get your head out of your ass and go the fuck home. She’s not your enemy, none of us are. Allow the teenage wolf inside your brain pan to heal. Fuck, both of you heal together. Rely on each other instead of tearing each other apart.”

  Kalkin stood and removed a polaroid photo of Nicolas from his shirt pocket. He then threw it on the table before leaving. “I expect to see you at work tomorrow, or else.” He slammed the door behind him as he left, drowning the room in silence once more.

  The quiet was almost deafening now when it used to hold so much solace for him. Caden picked up the picture and stared at it. He could admit the boy did look like a Raferty, but it could also be because his brother planted the thought in his head. However, the more he studied the photograph, he wondered what if. Then he counted backwards, if Danielle had carried the boy to term, the dates would match up.

  And, though he might have blond hair, he did have a stubborn chin. He ran his thumb over the photo as he stared at the baby’s prone body. Breathing tubes, IV lines, and a heart monitor’s electrodes covered his body. He sported a small white and yellow diaper but was naked from the waist up. Nicolas’ cries were frozen in time and forever etched into Caden’s mind.

  His stomach dropped.

  Bile built up and burned the back of his throat. He was going to be sick. His stomach lurched. He rushed for the bathroom and heaved up his guts into the toilet. He deserved the stomach-twisting pain he received as he purged his system of the poisonous alcohol he’d used as meal supplements. There weren’t any words to express how badly he messed up. His mate almost died because he’d been too blind to see. Too stupid to hear her. To trust her.

  He crushed her.

  He broke her.

  Caden would have to live the rest of his days knowing he’d destroyed the best thing in his life because he’d been blinded by jealousy and hate for a man who’d done everything in his power to disrupt the lives of those around the Raferty family. He’d been blanketed by self-hatred and the sickening slime of disgust at what he’d endured and lost. If Simon had still been alive, he’d kill the bastard, but Kalkin had already done the deed for him. The other...fuck knows.

  For the first time in forty-five years, Caden cried while sliding to the floor. The dingy, cold, hard surface showed him not an ounce of compassion, as he never showed Danielle any. How the fuck was he supposed to fix something as broken as this? How did he apologize to his mate? How did he earn her love and his son’s? How did he tell her the truth and bare his own sufferings without sounding like the worthless piece of shit he’d always known he was? As he lay on the floor of his shitty hotel bathroom, he realized, there was absolutely nothing he could do. He’d irrevocably broken everything, including his heart.

  Chapter Two

  Five months later....

  Danielle glanced in the review mirror and caught a glimpse of Aiden’s happy little face. His chubby cheeks were pink. His hazel eyes sparkled with life. He’d been a babbling little boy for the last few weeks, and it melted her heart. Beside him, his little brother Nicolas. Unlike Aiden, Nicolas was quiet, almost preternaturally so. He watched everyone. Created psychic bonds with those he trusted. It’d been his way, she learned, to communicate with people.

  The first five months of Nic’s life hadn’t been easy. Who are you kidding? Neither of your lives were. True. Keeley asked her several times after she woke up from a final surgery to repair the injuries she’d tried to fix on her own, “why?” She couldn’t answer her sister’s question. She didn’t have an answer. She’d been so focused on finding Keeley and protecting Nicolas, she just...hid. She figured the time she spent in the self-induced coma gave her time to heal—it had, but because she’d been weakened to the point of near death, most of her internal repairs were fragile at best.

  The minute she went into premature labor, she realized the mistakes she’d made, and she almost paid for those with her life—and Nicolas’. A week after she had Nic, Keeley delivered, at home, with the help of Kalkin, Gabriella Rose, and Colin Mackenzie. A part of Danielle worried perhaps, she caused her sister a considerable amount of stress and pushed her into early labor. However, her sister called her a fool and had been grateful to have her body back—at least for a couple of years.

  Danielle frowned.

  Aiden and Nic would be her only children now. She shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, but she wished she had the same chances as her sister. Even though she had two healthy strapping boys, a ridiculous part of her mind hoped things could have worked out with Caden, so they too might have tried for a daughter to complete their family. She sighed. Caden. The one person she never wanted to see again after the way he treated her. After the way he made her feel in his arms, treasured, safe, protected. He didn’t see her scars or her imperfections. He promised her they were mates. She’d allowed herself to hope. Then he ripped it all away, betraying her in the worst way possible.

  He believed Simon.

  Danielle tightened her hands on the stirring wheel of her car and let out a rough whimper of betrayal. It didn’t matter now. She had to move on. She supposed it was a good thing he didn’t mark her as Kalkin marked Keeley. For sure, she’d be up shit creek. At least now she could explore her options—which included the brooding, tattoo-covered, sable-haired, blue-eyed sin-on-a-stick, Rapier. The man had taken off his shirt while working in the warm, sunny spring day. Already, the temps had climbed to eighty degrees and forecasters were calling for more severe clear with a dose of liquid sunshine for the rest of the week. Sweat slicked his tanned flesh, highlighting the beautifully colored tattoos wrapping around his arms from each shoulder to each wrist. On his right pectoral muscle sat the face of a lion roaring. On the left, a panther. A strange combination for sure, but what did she know?

  Danielle glanced down and instantly regretted it. His jeans were slung low, barely clinging to his narrow hips. His abs flexed with each step he took towards her. His intimidating demeanor rolled off of him in suffocating waves. Yet, when he raised his hand to wave, and his full lips curved into a smile, he became a completely different man.

  “Cookie.” Rapier greeted her as she grabbed the sling she used to carry Nic in and got out of the car. The dark rumble of his voice sent a line of gooseflesh down her spine. She had to keep herself in check around him. The man was a Lothario. She’d heard rumors of him and his brothers’ exploits since arriving in town with Mackenzie—Caden, Jace, and Kalkin’s older brother and father to Royce.

  “I wish you wouldn’t call me that,” she whispered, opening the backdoor of her car
to get Nicolas out while he helped Aiden.

  “Rapwr, Rapwr!” Aiden giggled and clapped his hands as the lion-shifter hefted Aiden over his shoulders.

  Danielle gently placed a sleeping Nic into the sling. Unlike Aiden who, once he realized Danielle would never hurt him, would shift, Nicolas refused to do so. She asked Kalkin about it, but even the Alpha couldn’t force it, or compel him to do so. There was the chance he’d be a regular human like her, only with psychic abilities, and, even at five months old, those were strong. Of course, Danielle didn’t mind. She loved both of her boys just the same. Nicolas did seem to get a kick out of it when Aiden would zoom and race around the house then bark and growl playfully at his brother. She knew Aiden tried so hard to get his brother to play, but Nicolas was a curiously quiet baby.

  “What are you doing here today?” Rapier asked, joining her at the hood of her car.

  She shrugged. “I thought I would come see how the build is going. Get the boys some fresh air.”

  Rapier nodded. “Don’t let me forget, I have a box of sugar cookies for you.”

  She laughed. “If you’re trying to make me fat, it won’t work.”

  Since the moment Rapier found out about her situation, when Jace couldn’t be around to help her out, Rapier and his brother Wy were there. During her fifth month of pregnancy, she developed a craving for sugar cookies and ice cream. It didn’t matter the time of day or night, Rapier made sure she had them.

  Obviously, it irritated the Rafertys. Jace cautioned her about becoming chummy with a group of men they were still vetting. Kalkin reminded her incessantly that she carried a Raferty child. Keeley also reminded Danielle, she was playing with fire. Nonetheless, the one it should matter to, Caden, was laid up in some hotel drinking his fool head off.

  Let the asshole burn...

  Danielle was done waiting around or caring.

  Nicolas opened his blue eyes and peered up at her. She reached into the sling and rubbed his cheek with her fingertip. He latched onto it with his fist, then curled his little face into her hand, falling back to sleep almost instantly. Waves of love passed between them as he let out a content gurgle.

  “Thanks. I think I have a cookie monster in the house,” she joked.

  “Mmmm, gokie, mama.” Aiden rubbed his belly from his perch on Rapier’s shoulders.

  “Boy!” Rapier began tickling her son. “Those are for your mama. You have special cookies from Mrs. Martin.”

  Aiden squealed and giggled, wiggling on Rapier’s shoulders. She chuckled at their antics, shaking her head as they crossed the road to take a look at the orphanage. So far, the place was coming together. After a rough winter, when they couldn’t even prep the ground, they had, in two and a half months’ time, prepped the ground, laid the concrete foundation and had all the exterior walls up, including a roof. Today, they were working inside, framing out the rooms it would seem.

  “So, how are you feeling today?” Rapier cast his gaze at her. For the last couple of weeks, he began to throw these smoldering looks in her direction. She couldn’t quite figure him out. She didn’t think there’d been any real heat behind it. He always appeared to be flirtatious with her, but it could be a natural thing. Didn’t big cats get off on rubbing on things...people, boxes...

  “Have you been sneaking a bit of cat nip on your lunch break?” She cocked a brow.

  He laughed. “Not recently. Why? Did you bring me a mouse toy?”

  She smothered a chuckle.

  “You did, didn’t you?” He winked at her as they stepped into the build site. Rapier whistled, and the work stopped. His Pride, which he consisted of his rag-tag brothers, stopped working and turned to him.

  “Danielle is here to tour the site. Nicolas is sleeping and this monster...” He flipped Aiden off of his shoulders and placed him on the floor. “Needs a cookie. Who’s getting it for him?”

  Mackenzie, the eldest Raferty, sauntered up and held out his hand. The man had changed in the last year. He didn’t appear so scraggly anymore. The hitch in his gait had smoothed out a bit, and his eyes were clear. They didn’t hold the haunted vacancy each of the Dryer’s had when they arrived a year ago. He’d also put on a good ten to fifteen pounds. Each of them had. It made Danielle curious about their lives and their backstories. Where had they been? How had they survived long enough to show up there, in Window Rock.

  Aiden looked up at Caden’s brother and growled. His lips curled up exposing his little teeth. Mackenzie glanced at Danielle. She stepped over to Aiden and crouched down. Aiden’s little hand went to her knee as he stepped in front of her and growled again.

  “Aiden,” she whispered. “He won’t hurt us. He’s Uncle Kalkin’s brother. You know him.”

  “Ca-en hurt mama. Bad.” He growled again pointing at Mackenzie.

  Mackenzie went to his knee, bringing him down to Aiden’s level. He let out a low growl, asserting his dominance over the boy. Danielle understood it, though she didn’t like it. As much as Caden hurt her, Aiden couldn’t blame them all. He was just too young to understand. “Look here, boy. Your mama is my friend. You don’t have to protect her.”

  Aiden looked back at her then over to Mackenzie. His little lip trembled. “Ca-en hurt mama.” His howled cry ripped at all of them.

  She wiped away a tear as Mackenzie grabbed her son up and hugged him tight while rubbing his back. How many more people were going to be affected by Caden’s shitty attitude? When her brother-in-law met her gaze, he mouthed, “I’m sorry.”

  Danielle shook it off. “Don’t be.” She tried to smile, but she feared she failed.

  “Come on, Aiden. Let’s go see if we can find you a cookie.” Mackenzie picked him up and settled Aiden into his side. “I’m sure they’re around here somewhere.”

  “Not getting any better I see,” Rapier said, leading her through the house.

  “Ever since I healed him, he’s been fiercely protective of me.” She didn’t throw in there Aiden seemed to be more so when a member of the Raferty family happened to be in the vicinity. It appeared, the more they looked like Caden, the more he acted out. Kalkin gave Aiden a little space. Mackenzie was trying, still, how much longer would they have to pay for their brother’s sins?

  “He’s going to make it hard bringing a man home,” Rapier stated. “Mating might be out of the question too.”

  She shrugged. After everything with Caden, she wasn’t sure if she could try again. She’d put herself out there, scars and all, and had been rejected. It wasn’t just her either. It’d been her son. The soft bundle in her arms who slept with his face on her palm. How anyone could reject Nicolas, she’d never understand. No. She might not be leaving, after she’d seen how much damage she’d done to her sister and their family; however, it didn’t mean she had to have a mate or a husband. She’d do it on her own. Like she planned all along.

  “I don’t expect to bring anyone home,” she answered. “I gave up on relationships a long time ago.”

  “Ah now,” Rapier teased. “I thought you were going to give me a shot. Once you go kitty, you never go back.”

  She rolled her eyes. “My loss I guess.” She pointed to one of the larger rooms in the back of the house. “Dorm room?” She had to bring their conversation back to the tour. Danielle couldn’t allow Rapier to read too much into their friendship.

  “Yeah,” he replied. “It is. By tonight we should have some of the wiring started. Saber and Cormyr are finishing the plumbing right now, while Wy and Rashid are working on the walls. We’re hopeful by the weekend we can start hanging drywall.”

  Impressed, she continued to wander through the framed-out halls. Soon, she would be walking through there, checking on the orphans. “Can you, if you have room, I know we’re cutting it close, but can you make me a small exam room? I need to assess the kids as they come in, make sure they’re healthy.”

  Rapier grinned. “Already did. Come on.” He motioned her to follow him down the hall near the kitchen. “It’s pretty small
, but I measured for an exam table, small medicine cabinet, and light. It should be big enough for you to do all your work for intake.”

  He stepped out of the way, showing her the space. He was right. It would be a tight fit, but she’d make it work. She could always bring the sickest kids to the house and let them stay in the small clinic she set up in the basement after Keeley moved all of her computer equipment out. “It’s perfect. It needs a cheery wall color. Something bright and welcoming.”

  Rapier’s eyes glazed over. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

  She would. Later.

  They made their way upstairs and found Mackenzie and Aiden playing a small game of not quite hide and seek. She was happy to see her son laughing instead of crying. In the beginning, Caden and Aiden conspired against her to keep his shifter nature a secret, which connected them on a whole other level she’d probably never understand. The betrayal he must feel on a daily basis hurt her soul. Though she could force her way into his little mind and soothe him, Danielle chose not to. She never invaded someone’s personal space, nor did she ever want to break another person’s trust. She, Nicolas, and Aiden were a unit. They were family.

  “You’ll need to get more cookies. Someone ate them all,” Mackenzie teased.

  Aiden pointed at Kalkin’s brother. “Him, mama.”

  “I bet.” She held out her hand to Aiden. “Come on. We’ll go see Mrs. Martin and get you more.”

  “Hide dem?” Her son peered up at her.

  “Yes, my sweet boy. We’ll hide them.” She gave Rapier and Mackenzie a pointed look more for affect than out of censure.

  “Don’t worry, squirt,” Rapier said. “We won’t take them.”